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Was that a microaggression? Or are you just being a whiny baby?

Are there really such things as microaggressions or is this a made-up concept for people who can’t handle real life?

I stumbled on several provocative comments pro and con about microaggressions on Quora. I periodically check out Quora so that I can learn about all sides of the issue.

Reading opinions about microaggressions didn’t disappoint.

Below are comments arguing pro and con about the concept. Comments on Quora are publicly available, so I will give names for proper attribution. [The actual links will be in the first comment.]

I was surprised at the vehement denials that microaggressions were even worth discussing.

One set of questions asked, “Why do people deny the existence of microaggressions?”

"Because it's a bullshit concept. Neither the author, nor the most active users of this term can provide an exhaustive definition of what the f**k it's supposed to mean. Somebody made an inappropriate joke? Microaggression! Basically, you can call “microaggression” anything you wouldn't like to hear, which makes the said concept utterly ridiculous and absolutely useless."

Casey McAlister,

In other words, McAlister and others equate microaggressions with having a thin skin, ignoring the possibly good intent of the speaker. I’m struck by the exasperation in these voices. They are really just done with the whole idea.
 
Another set of commenters answered this question, “Why do people downplay the microaggressions that ethnic people constantly face?”
 
Some of the responses were as exasperated as McAlister. But at least in this group, there were people who understood the potential damage.

"Because it’s easier to belittle and ignore them, than to do the complicated work required to correct them."

Michael Munson

"I think it’s important for us all to watch what we say and to be respectful of others. After a lifetime of talking with people for a living, I can assure you that what you thought you said is not as important as what they felt they heard. Words matter. If we are going to survive as a nation and as a people, we need to learn to moderate our tendencies to indulge in snarky criticism. Want to improve the human species? Start with the person in the mirror." 

Kim Sikoryak

What do I conclude after reading these comments?

The more I read and learn, the more I realize – yet again – how easily we can deceive ourselves by believing our words mean the same or we have the same experiences as those we disagree with.

Those of us who wish to reach across the divide should consider whether those we are speaking with think we are the attackers.

In other words, we, the people in the mirror, may be trying to reach a presumed aggressor using words that don’t speak to them.

Declaring they just need to hear us can't work if they don't have a reference point. If we want to be effective, let's choose tactics that work.

And yes, I do have some ideas about this.

What do you think? Would love to hear your opinion.

Coming July 9th!  Available for preorder:
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Dr. Latting has 20+ years of consulting and teaching experience for private and public sector organizations and is an experienced speaker and workshop host. She is available to virtually speak to groups including executives, managers, individual contributors and community leaders to widen their multi-cultural awareness.

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