One day at work, while waiting for a department meeting to get underway, I was having a conversation in Spanish with a group of Latina coworkers. Meanwhile, the assistant to the department director, Celine (a pseudonym), began distributing handouts and agendas.
From across the conference room, Celine, who was a White woman, heard us speaking Spanish and yelled, “Speak English, this is the United States!”
A non-Latina nurse practitioner spoke up immediately in our defense. “They can speak any language they want!”
I gave Celine a pointed stare before continuing to talk with my coworkers (in Spanish).
For quite some time, I had been fighting the conviction that Celine’s comments, as well as her nonverbal behavior, were hostile and racist. She appeared to want to dominate me and the other Latinas in the group. Often when I walked by her desk or attempted to communicate with her, Celine would make fun of my Spanish accent. This latest incident banished all doubt of Celine’s “attacks” being related to racist behavior.
But what will happen if I call her on it? I asked myself. Celine and my supervisor are friends. Will my supervisor take Celine’s side automatically?
And I could hear Celine’s response to being called out: “There you go again, being over-sensitive. Why do you always take everything so personally?”
Such a reaction would immediately make me seem like the problem. I was already feeling bullied by other members of the team. An aggressive response to Celine’s racism would only bring additional grief to my already hostile environment.
Yet this was just the latest version of Celine’s abuse. From the beginning of my working relationship with her, she had taken a combative tone toward the smallest request—whether it be asking for supplies, assistance, or simply asking her a work-related question. I felt certain Celine was totally inflexible and incapable of change. With this latest incident, I’d had it! It was time for me to think about leaving the agency.
When I expressed these concerns to my Clinical Supervisor, she said, “There seems to be an ongoing pattern of your being involved in bullying relationships. I remember you telling me about others during prior assignments. Could it be that your personality is attracting the bullying? Have you thought about obtaining a Life Coach?”
“I don’t think it’s just me,” I responded. “I see others being mistreated, not just myself. It seems to be part of a larger pattern in many of the agencies I’ve worked in.”
“Irrespective of the source, a Life Coach might be helpful to you. They could help you find ways to deal more effectively with what feels like a hostile work situation. Let me give you a list of coaches available in the area. Think about it.”
When I reviewed the list she gave me, I immediately recognized Dr. Latting’s name as a former professor in my social work graduate program. She had taught one of the foundational courses, and I remembered her as someone I respected and trusted. The decision to contact her would end up making a major positive impact on my work environment.
My job consisted of many tasks, including visits to different locations and assisting a population with few resources and high needs. I felt overwhelmed with trying to handle responsibilities to my family and my clients plus the stress of a hostile work environment. It was within this context that my sessions with the Life Coach began.
After acknowledging and empathizing with my many complaints about Celine’s behavior, Dr. Latting suggested, “One of the things that can be helpful in situations like this is to treat your beliefs as assumptions and begin to challenge them. Think of it as moving out of the answer and into the question. Does Celine have any positive characteristics? Is there any way you can ‘catch her doing something right?’”
I had to think about that for a bit, but then remembered, “She did provide help locating a walker for a client with lung disease a few weeks ago.”
“Is that unusual?” Dr. Latting queried.
“Well, while collaborating to meet clients’ needs is something we do as a team, it’s not really part of Celine’s role as executive assistant,” I replied. I then admitted, “I really didn’t express my appreciation for her help at the time.”
I made a point of doing so the next day.
After many discussions like this, I began to more closely study my coworkers’ behaviors and interactions with each other and started to practice challenging my assumptions on a more regular basis.
For example, I began to notice the relentless criticism and attacks on Celine for clocking our time, checking on inventory, and other duties she carried out as part of her position. All the criticism of her enforcement of the rules seemed unwarranted. I felt there was a legitimate need to monitor employees in some of these areas.
When I looked at Celine in a different light, I saw she liked to help others, maintained good relationships with many, and appeared reliable, punctual, dedicated, and hardworking. Recognizing these and other positive qualities opened an opportunity for me to change my relationship with her. I began to have hope in Celine’s ability to change her behavior toward me.
I told Dr. Latting, “I think Celine’s work is taken for granted in the office. She doesn’t get the recognition she deserves.”
“How might you change that?” she asked.
“I’ll have to think about it,” I replied.
I decided to send a written thank-you note to Celine for her assistance in locating the walker. In addition, I utilized a formal mechanism within our agency: an agency thank-you card. This consisted of a brief abstract describing what Celine had done, and my recognition and appreciation for her assistance. I copied our mutual supervisor.
Celine’s behavior changed after my submission of the card. She even began to occasionally offer assistance without my requesting it.
I mentioned this to Dr. Latting: “Celine’s attitude toward me has really seemed to improve. Lately, she seems to have become more approachable.”
“Is your relationship with her where you would like it to be?” she asked.
“Not really. I still think she’s pretty set in her ways and still has a racist attitude toward me and the other Latinas.”
Dr. Latting probed further. “Do you think there’s hope of her changing her behavior? Do you think there’s a possibility of a better relationship with her?”
“Well . . . maybe,” I reluctantly conceded.
“Is there a way you could continue to question your assumptions about her?”
“She did mention to me once that she had never been recommended as Hero of the Month . . . maybe I can explore whether she really has done things above and beyond her role.”
The Hero of the Month award was given to people who went above and beyond their roles in meeting client needs, were team players, and worked diligently to exceed the agency’s expectations. Given the little bit of progress I had made so far in my opinion of Celine, Dr. Latting and I decided that I would make a conscious and sincere attempt to build a strong relationship with Celine and truly challenge my assumptions.
To determine whether Celine had indeed gone “above and beyond,” I needed a better understanding of exactly what her job responsibilities encompassed. So, one afternoon, I stopped by Celine’s desk and veered our conversation toward that topic. In response to my questions, she gave me a summary of her duties.
“It seems to me that, in addition to your assigned tasks, you do lots of other things that help the rest of us do our jobs better,” I said. “Don’t you monitor inventory, locate resources and donations, and coordinate outreach events? I don’t see these listed on your official job description.”
Celine looked surprised. “No, none of those are in my formal job description, but I’ve always done them.”
“I think that doing those things, above and beyond what’s in your job description, qualifies you for recognition as Hero of the Month,” I said. “All of them really help us better meet client needs. I’m going to recommend you for that recognition.”
Several days later, I submitted the request, and the next month, she was formally declared Hero of the Month.
After that, Celine’s behavior and demeanor toward me continued to change for the better. She was less likely to make fun of my accent or scowl when I asked her a question. I also noticed how her attitude and behavior toward the department as a whole became more positive. Her verbal and nonverbal messages were more open and friendly, and our interactions more pleasant. She began to approve requests for supplies and other things required to meet clients’ needs without question.
Working with Dr. Latting helped me see aspects of Celine’s personality I’d previously overlooked. This gave me an opportunity to reach out and build a stronger relationship with her. Celine not only had the ability to change, but she became one of my main sources of support within the department.
To this day, Celine continues to be supportive and amicable, and I truly appreciate her work ethic, personal values, and strong personality.
Orfelinda Coronado obtained her Master of Clinical Social Work from the Graduate College of Social Work (GSCW) at the University of Houston. Mrs. Coronado found her passion in the application of clinical assessment skills in the medical case-management field, where she assists vulnerable populations. Today, Mrs. Coronado is the grandmother of four four-legged fur babies, two of which are rescues.
Mrs. Coronado first met Dr. Latting during the leadership course provided during one of the foundational semesters of the GSCW master’s program.
