I work at a large firm, providing professional business services mostly to Fortune 500 companies. The year I joined the organization, the COVID-19 pandemic was just underway, and I participated in the company’s first completely virtual program for integrating new employees into the organization.
I am in the consulting and strategy arm of the business, with its focus on providing innovative, sustainable solutions to businesses. Because the company is so large, opportunities for growth, education, and experience in different industries are vast and wide. It is easy to get lost, especially in a completely virtual environment. It’s up to you to find your niche. As the saying goes, “You’ll know when you’ve found your tribe.”
The orientation program is designed to provide experience in different functional areas of the company. New employees are encouraged to move around a bit to explore. The number of moves I made on my first project, however, was unusual compared to my peers: in my first four months I worked on five different teams. My experiences with the first two team leaders were painful.
All five of these teams worked on different aspects of the same project: developing a rollout of unemployment protocols for a state agency. We designed and implemented the needed software, processes, and procedures, while also acting as staff in the state unemployment office to test them. We essentially became unemployment agents. This meant I was dealing one-on-one with individuals severely negatively impacted by the pandemic.
My initial interaction with the leader of the first team was a welcome-to-the-team and general overview.
“If you have any questions, just ask,” she said.
Since I’m in the consulting development program and the team lead worked in what had been described to me as a much-sought-after part of consulting (strategy), I excitedly asked her about the possibilities. “I’d be interested in knowing more about the path you took to get to where you are.”
“Well,” she replied somewhat tersely, “you don’t just come into strategy, you are invited into strategy. There’s a certain process you go through. But right now, at your level, you don’t need to be concerned with that. You’re not doing that right now, so don’t worry about it.”
In my second one-on-one conversation with her, I began by asking, “What are my roles and responsibilities while on staff for this project?”
Her response was, “Just do your job.”
I could hear a big period at the end of that short sentence. Regardless, I pressed on. “What exactly do you mean by ‘do your job’? Do you have any details you can add to that? Are there numbers you’re striving for us to reach? Is there a daily target?” I asked, filling what felt like an awkward silence.
“Don’t make things harder than they need to be. Just do your job. Show up. Be where you’re told to be. What else is there? What other problems do you have?” she said in a brusque manner.
“All I’m trying to do,” I patiently explained, “is understand. I feel like I’ve somehow offended you. Your tone feels a bit aggressive and accusatory. I’m new here, and you’re making me nervous. I’m desperately trying to navigate, learn my way around. I’m not understanding why you’re coming at me this way.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” She held up a hand, palm out. “I don’t know how we got here, but it’s apparent to me that you need someone else over you. Because I’m not going to go there with you.”
I had to struggle to keep my tone civil. “What do you mean, ‘you’re not going to go there’? I’m not attacking you, yet you always seem to be on the defensive. I’m just letting you know that I’m in a fearful space, because I’m feeling like I did something wrong. What exactly is going on?”
“What we’re going to do,” she snapped, “is cut this conversation short. And I’m going to consider other things for you. The words you’re using tell me you need to be on another team.”
It all happened so fast. I was asking a simple question about direction, and the next thing I knew she was telling me she was going to have me reassigned. She seemed triggered, and I definitely was. She didn’t appear to want an explanation or to work through the problem. I didn’t hear any attempt to gain understanding, nor did I see signs of reflection. She apparently felt threatened. Her reaction stunned me. It was quite different from how the corporate culture had been described to me. During orientation, we were told staff would be enthusiastic about helping us. And that had actually been my experience thus far.
I remember disconnecting from the virtual meeting with the team lead and crying hot tears. I was angry. I was offended. I was defensive. I kept asking myself, What have I done? Why am I even working here? Why did I give up entrepreneurship?
My second assignment was on the same project, just on a different person’s team. My initial interactions with the second team lead were positive. She had a gentler, more soft-spoken demeanor than the first lead. But I did notice she seemed reserved with me, a bit cold and distant, as if I were someone who was going to get her in trouble. It turned out the second team lead was friends with the first. I wondered if she had taken on her friend’s antagonistic feelings and was treating me accordingly.
One day I asked a question—I can’t remember the exact wording, but it felt like a normal question, such as, “Where does this go?” or “If we do this or that for the day, where are we supposed to put the file?”
Her response was immediate and sharp. “Why do you ask so many questions? Don’t make waves. Just continue doing what you’re doing.”
I did just that, but unhappily. It must have shown, because by the end of the second week, she said, “You have great numbers. But I heard there’s an opening on another team. Would you rather be on a different team?"
I was happy for the opportunity and eager to get away from the tension. But I was also apprehensive about what a second move within just a few weeks would mean for my future at the company. I didn’t really understand what was happening. The uncertainty (and quarantining) brought on by the pandemic increased my feelings of vulnerability. The high number of unemployment claims from a wide range of occupations I saw daily reminded me of the precariousness of employment.
The work itself added to my heightened emotions. Screaming babies in the background and tearful mothers telling me that without immediate unemployment benefits they couldn’t feed their children really got to me. It was a psychologically taxing role that sent more than a few of my colleagues into therapy. The stress was even interfering with my sleep—I had nightmares about not processing someone’s application in time, with them ending up homeless with nothing to eat as a result.
As if the stress of the new job wasn’t enough, I was also going through nerve-wracking transitions in my personal life. I was simultaneously transitioning from being a military spouse to civilian life, and to living in Atlanta after having lived overseas for several years. Acclimating to corporate life was its own struggle since I had been an entrepreneur. On top of that, I was sued for divorce. It was, as you can imagine, an excruciatingly difficult time.
I admit I didn’t deal with all of this very effectively. I tried to ignore my emotions and became even more of a workaholic. I spent many a night curled up in a ball—definitely headed toward burnout.
The transfer to a third team made the difference—my third team in less than six weeks with the company. This team leader appeared warm from the start. She seemed to care about each of her team members as individuals. Her attitude reflected, How can I help you? What do you need? Here’s how you’re doing performance-wise—you’re here now, but where do you want to be? If you’re dissatisfied with your numbers, I’ll find someone to help you. This team lead also specifically encouraged me to reach out to the human resources support person assigned to me when I first joined the organization.
During an online conversation with the HR person, I described my experience with my first two assignments, without naming names. Then I asked her point blank, “Did I say something wrong? Is there something I don’t understand? I thought I was asking the kinds of questions we were encouraged to ask during the onboarding process. I’ve always thought my ability to ask questions was one of my strengths. But in these circumstances, I felt I was being punished for doing so.”
“Asking questions is a strength!” she insisted. “I say, ‘Good for you!’ You did what you’re supposed to do.”
I blinked back happy tears. “I can’t tell you what a relief it is to hear you to say that.”
“We have a saying in this company,” she declared. “You have to teach people how to treat you well. You have the right to stand up for yourself, not be a doormat or have people mistreat you or talk to you a certain kind of way.”
Despite this affirmation by the HR person, I still wondered whether I could be genuine with my newest team leader. During one conversation, she invited me to talk about my strengths. I decided to take a risk and be open.
“In my previous team experiences, things I thought were strengths—my ability to ask tough questions and catch mistakes—were viewed as weaknesses. I felt like I was punished for them. Now I’m afraid to ask too many questions or to be honest about what I’m feeling.”
“I see your ability to ask penetrating questions as one of your strengths,” she replied, emphasizing her words with a nod of encouragement. “I value that. But if you mess up—and we all do at one time or another—I’ll want to know less about what you did wrong and more about how you were able to resolve the situation and move past it.”
Nevertheless, the problems in my personal life began to intrude on my ability to do my work, and my performance numbers began to slip. I had come to trust this team leader and decided to divulge part of my personal situation to her.
Her reaction was, “I thought there was something going on with you. You’re ordinarily such a high performer, and we appreciate what you’ve done. Why not step away for a few days and take some time off? That might be all you need to help you see things more clearly. We want you at your best. A few days away from the computer may help you regain perspective.”
I gratefully accepted her suggestion and soon learned she was right! I badly needed to believe in myself again, to believe in my own strength and my own power. I used those days to engage in activities that never fail to renew my spirit—some yoga, quiet reading and reflection, time outside in nature. I even occasionally cranked up the music and just danced until I broke out in a sweat.
When I returned to work after a few days, the team leader said, “You know, you don’t have to talk to people one-on-one every day. You can engage in other tasks some days, to relieve the stress.”
I followed that advice as well, and it helped. After a few weeks, I felt much better and was once more meeting or exceeding my performance goals.
About six weeks later, the team leader said to me, “Okay, I think you’re ready for the next level. Because you ask tough questions, are detail-oriented, and catch errors, I think you should move to a legislative team, one dealing with high-profile clients. I’ve already talked to the next person I think you should work with, and they can’t wait to meet you.”
The fourth team leader was also gentle with me, especially after I expressed concern about balancing a stressful personal life with taking on a new assignment. She would say things like, “You know, your numbers are great. You’re performing, even though I know you’re still going through some things. Good for you!”
Sometimes she would just check in with me, asking “Are you okay?” without making me feel like a charity case. Instead, she always led with statements like, “We know what you bring to the table. What can we do to help you?”
That helped me rebuild my self-confidence and mental clarity. I could now confidently say to myself, I can do this! So, when this team leader suggested I move to a fifth team to train incoming analysts on the team, I felt ready.
Because others took the time to listen to me, I changed the way I listened. And after having those two negative experiences, I was reinforced in my belief in leading with compassion. I also recognized that becoming a workaholic, a survival reflex, was not going to resolve my issues—it was more likely to make them worse. The positive feedback and support encouraged me to take myself in hand and reengage in activities that I knew from past experience would help me get a handle on my emotions. I have now made taking time to engage in self-renewing activities, including a healthy balance of what I think of as “cocooning” and spending time with family members and friends, a non-negotiable must.
I make the clearest decisions when I am in alignment with my inner core—I can only do that when I turn off the TV, shut down the internet, connect with nature by listening to the inhabitants of the pond outside my window or watching the birds, shut down all the external voices and pressures, and just tend to me. Practicing gratitude, meditation, and self-awareness helps tremendously as well.
What felt like rapid-fire experiences with the first five teams I worked on opened the way for me to continue to hit high performance numbers. Since then, there’s been a bidding war for my services. It felt good to be offered roles on multiple high-visibility projects prior to rolling off my first project. Now, I’m a consistent high performer and have reignited confidence in myself. But I also like the new vulnerability I’m experiencing as I learn to set firm boundaries and practice kindness and compassion daily toward others—and myself.
My passion is teaching underrepresented, underprivileged entrepreneurs and business owners how to craft sustainable and globally competitive strategies in alignment with their desires and purpose. I don’t see enough underrepresented businesses in franchise, employer, or venture-capitalist spaces. This company is providing me the opportunity to mentor these entrepreneurs through a nonprofit organization, and to work on inclusion and diversity initiatives by building recruitment bridges to Texas Southern University (my alma mater) and fellow military veterans. I want to help people lead with compassion, prepare them for the journey, and build global partnerships with those aspiring to do the same.
During the first conversations with her initial team leader, Treshina engaged in inquiry and was open about how she interpreted the interaction. Her input was, however, poorly received and resulted in her being moved to another team. She may have unknowingly surfaced undiscussables for this team leader.
In addition, the second team leader, being a friend of the first, may have prejudged Treshina as a potential troublemaker and showed little inclination to question her assumptions. This was unfortunate, since leaders risk losing potentially valuable contributors when they form conclusions about a new employee so quickly without testing them.
Things happened so rapidly for Treshina, she had no opportunity to test her own assumptions about either of her first two leaders. And since all the interactions were virtual and she was understandably on edge as a new employee, it may have been difficult to read nonverbal communication cues through the computer screen.
She did test her assumptions with the human resources liaison, however. The liaison did a good job of listening to her and gave her positive feedback on the legitimacy of her questions. That helped Treshina work up courage to be open with her third team leader. After doing so, she was reassured that what her first two team leaders may have seen as weaknesses, this individual considered strengths. This team leader also believed in the inevitability of mistakes and was confident in Treshina’s ability to learn from them and grow.
All this helped, but the stress of the new job and being on her third team in so few weeks created a great deal of emotional uncertainty for Treshina. Meanwhile, difficult transitions in her personal life coupled with the emotion-triggering nature of dealing daily with newly unemployed individuals during the early days of the pandemic brought her close to emotional overload. She had sleepless nights and shed many tears.
Her initial response was to suppress her emotions, manifested through working even harder and faster, believing that perhaps she could outrun her emotions. But, not surprisingly, her performance numbers began to slip.
Fortunately, Treshina had developed enough trust in the third team leader to share some of what was going on with her. The leader’s response was to suggest a little time off to reflect—not unreasonable, given that other employees were seeking counseling as an antidote to the stress caused by acting as unemployment agents in such difficult circumstances.
Realizing she was contributing to her own difficulties, Treshina used the time off effectively. She drew on mechanisms she had used in the past—yoga, communing with nature, quiet reading and reflection—to clear her negative emotions, and dancing to build positive ones. Aided by slight modifications in her work assignments, she began to become more confident in her own personal power and her ability to make a difference.
The fourth and fifth team leaders also appeared to demonstrate several of the Conscious Change principles and skills. Like the third team leader, they demonstrated an attitude of, “What can we do to help?” rather than seeking to place blame for any mistakes. They put themselves in Treshina’s shoes, focused on her strengths, and demonstrated confidence in her ability to grow and learn. Treshina’s increasing self-affirmation (“I can do this!”) and alignment with her values of high performance also contributed to her resilience in getting through the tough times.
What’s particularly interesting about Treshina’s experience is the way in which it demonstrates the potential contagion of the principles for Conscious Change. Because her later team leaders listened to her, she now listens more proactively to others. Because they came from a position of compassion and care, the importance of these attributes in her own interactions was reinforced.
Treshina is now firmly committed to regularly engaging in the self-care required to maintain emotional balance. This bodes well for her future.
Treshina Smith received a BA in Business Administration from Texas Southern University, an MS in Global Project Management from Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University, and her license in massage therapy after serving six years in the Army. She is an avid believer that compassion wins, and she has been an entrepreneur since the age of five. Traveling, connecting with people from around the world, and enjoying global cuisine are some of her favorite things to do. There is a special place in her heart for helping aspiring entrepreneurs strategize to build successful businesses and meet their life goals.
Treshina was introduced to the Conscious Change skills in a life-changing teambuilding course taught by Dr. Jean Ramsey while attending Jesse H. Jones School of Business at Texas Southern University. She was a student in her final year of undergraduate studies and found the teachings fascinating. She was immediately able to apply the methods and lessons taught to many situations, ranging from self-reflection and motherhood to teambuilding and project management.
